Philonoist
by Morivanim
Summary: Third in the Who Are You? series. In love and happy the wrong words put everything they have in jeopardy. Can they fix what they have or is it too late?
1. Special

Spencer held his bags close to him as he side stepped another group of giggling girls who raced past him a little too closely, on their way to finish their own holiday shopping.

"Have I mentioned how much I hate malls?" Spencer said turning to Penelope as she looked in another window.

"Well if you had gotten this done a head of time you wouldn't need to be here." Penelope said before squealing at something and dragging him into another store. This one was filled with things for little kids.

"Reid, wouldn't Henry look absolutely adorable in this?" Penelope asked, holding up the tiny t-shirt that had caught her eye from the window.

"Haven't you already bought him like 6 outfits?" Spencer asked as he examined a tiny pair of shoes.

"Then you'll buy it for him." She said shoving the item of clothing into his hands. Spencer stared at the t-shirt, but didn't put it back. He had already gotten something for Henry, but knowing his track record with children he decided it wouldn't be a bad idea to have a backup gift. He allowed Garcia to pick out a few more things for their Godson before insisting they checked out before she bought the entire store.

"I'm sure your kid is going to look adorable in all this." The chasier said as she rung up the items in Spencer's arms, making only a slight effort to hide the fact that she was very clearly checking him out, not that Spencer would have noticed either way.

"It's actually for my Godson." Spencer said, missing how the girl's eyes lit up.

"Oh, lucky kid to have such a caring Godfather." She said flipping her hair a little.

Penelope who had been checking out some teddy bears in the corner laughed to herself as she saw the exchange, and decided to have a little fun, walking up to Spencer, bear in hand.

"Get this too," She said, placing the bear on the counter and linking arms with him.

"Doesn't he have enough stuffed animals?" Spencer asked as the girl, rung up the extra item.

"One can never have too many stuffed animals sweetie." She told him as he got out his wallet. Spencer thought nothing of it as Penelope kissed him on the cheek, thanking him for buying all the things. The girl at the register though had completely backed off, stopping all forms of non- professional conversation.

Penelope managed to keep herself from laughing out loud until they exited the store and went back out into the center of the mall.

"What's so funny?" Spencer asked when she could no longer contain herself.

"You are darling." She told him as they walked through the mall listening to the Christmas music that was blaring from every speaker in the place.

"What did I do?" he asked, confused.

"You know for being so smart, you are incredibly oblivious."

"What did I miss?" Spencer asked, looking around.

"The cashier hitting on you." Penelope told him, causing Spencer to stop in his tracks.

"She was?"

"Yes, baby, she was."

Spencer furrowed his brow, going over the interaction, and not being able to figure out what she was talking about.

"Don't worry about it, you have a girl remember." Penelope reminded him.

Spencer smiled as he thought about Lisa, just two more days and he'd be on his way to Vegas to see her. "How about lunch?" he asked suddenly not minding being at the mall so much.

As they sat in the food court eating lunch Penelope had begun to go through the things they had bought, paying special attention to the things they had gotten for Henry.

"These things are all so cute! Doesn't it just make you want to have one of your own?" She asked.

"I'm sure Kevin would be more than happy to help you out with that one." Spencer said a smirk on his lips.

"No, I've already asked" She said without skipping a beat. Stopping for a second Penelope looked thoughtful. "You know Reid, you and Lisa would have some really cute kids."

Spencer nearly choked on his food.

"What?" Penelope asked after his reaction. "Don't tell me you've never thought about it.

"I haven't" he said.

"You mean you've been with her for what 9 months, and you've never thought about her barring your children?" Penelope asked.

"No I haven't."

"Why not?"

"Why would I? We're not that serious."

Penelope's jaw hit the floor. "9 months and you think it's not serious?"

"I didn't say it's not serious it's just not serious to the point where we're thinking about kids. I mean if I was going to child with someone I'd at least want to live in the same state with them first."

Penelope wanted to say so much more, but she understood that want so she bit her tounge, and changed the subject as they finished their meals and continued shopping.

"So have you gotten Lisa anything yet?" Penelope asked later as she picked out a gift for Kevin in the men's wear section of a department store.

"Yes actually, thanks for reminding me I need to go pick it up." He told her checking his watch.

"Well why don't you go get it while I finish up here and we'll meet up at the bookstore?" Penelope suggested.

Spencer nodded and went to go pick up the gift. He was a little surprised that she hadn't asked what it was but he chalked it up to being busy picking out her boyfriend's gift. He was actually glad that Penelope wouldn't be going to get the gift with him, he knew she would have something to say about it, and he really didn't feel like blushing today.

Spencer walked into a well-known and fairly pricy jewelry store and went up to the first sales associate he could find. "Excuse me, I'm here to pick up a gift."

"What name was it under?" the woman asked.

"Reid."

The woman looked something up in the computer and then went into the back. She came back with a small blue box that she opened. "Is it to your liking?" the woman asked.

"It's perfect." Spencer told her after examining the object in the box.

The woman rung him up and he left the store, hiding the bag among his others hoping that Penelope wouldn't ask him about it. He wanted this to be special.


	2. Welcome Back

"Wooooo!"

"Take it off!"

Lisa laughed as Tom drunkenly danced on their table, swinging his shirt around his head. He wasn't up there long before a bouncer came over to get him down. The others at the table booed as Tom came down and put his shirt back on. Another Saturday night with no work in the morning and the spirit of Christmas in the air, Lisa and her friends had all decided it was a perfect night to go crazy.

"Who's up for another round?" Emily yelled excitedly.

"Not me" Tom said plopping down in a chair, decidedly out of breath.

"Yeah count me out too, I should get going." Lisa said, looking around for her bag.

"What? No!" Emily cried, looking like she was about to cry.

"I've got to get up and go to the airport in the morning." Lisa said, standing and feeling her head spin.

"That's right, Dr. Love is coming back in town." Ben reminded everyone, referring to Spencer by his new nickname.

"You two gonna leave the bedroom this time?" Michael asked laughing.

Lisa shook her head, "good night guys" Lisa said as she left with cat calls and generally lewd comments being thrown at her back.

Nothing anyone could say was going to get under her skin, she was way too happy. For the next 2 weeks, it would be her and Spencer, together. This would be the longest the two had ever been in the same place. In the morning she would drive to the Las Vegas airport, pick Spencer up, bring him home, and that thought alone let Lisa fall asleep with a smile stretched across her face from ear to ear.

The next day Lisa stood outside baggage claim bouncing on the balls of her feet. Spencer's flight had been early, but she had been tracking it online and was there waiting impatiently for him to walk through the doors.

Spencer wasn't hard to spot in the mob of people, he was the only one dressed like a professor. Lisa didn't wait for him to spot her, walking as fast as she could without fully running she made her way across the room and nearly jumped into his arms. Thankfully Spencer had noticed her before she made it to him, so he was ready as she threw her body weight into him, quickly capturing his lips in a heated kiss.

"I missed you too." Spencer laughed as they parted.

"Come on I can't wait to get you home." Lisa said smiling.

Spencer's eyebrows shot up and his smile widened. "What are we waiting for?"

Lisa laughed, kissed him again and walked him to the car.

Lisa had not been kidding when she said she couldn't wait to get him home. She had at least let him into her house and allowed him to put his bag down in the bedroom before she pounced.

"Well that was fantastic welcome." Spencer said as he and Lisa lay in bed in their afterglow.

Lisa laughed. "Just wait for your good bye."

Spencer smiled and kissed Lisa. As their kiss deepened and things grew heated, Lisa had to pool all of her strength to pull away.

"What's wrong?" Spencer asked.

"I promised Ben we'd have dinner with him." Lisa told him extracting herself from the bed.

These were the differences between Lisa and Spencer in DC and Lisa and Spencer in Vegas. If they had been in DC they would have till lying in bed, maybe getting ready for another round between the sheets, then Spencer would cook for them and they would have a nice night in. Maybe they would have gone out for a few drinks with some of Spencer's friends; it would have been very low key. Here in Vegas though, every night there was something. Every night was a different dinner with a different person, or group of people. It was nights out at the bar, gambling, shows, excitement. And while it was nice to have the change, sometimes Spencer just wanted DC life while he was out in Vegas.

Sighing Spencer got up. Lisa had gone into the bathroom and he could hear the shower running as he began to pull on his clothes.

"What do you think you're doing?" Lisa asked coming out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel.

"Getting dressed," Spencer answered.

"You're gross, come take a shower," Lisa said a small devious smile playing on her lips.

Spencer smiled and walked over to join Lisa in the shower. As much as he loved his DC life, Vegas had its up sides.


	3. Life in Vegas

Dinner with Ben had predictably become drinks with friends, and they soon found themselves stumbling drunkenly home singing Christmas carols at the top of their lungs. After several tries at getting to fit the key in the door Lisa managed to open her house and let herself and Spencer inside.

Laughing wildly Lisa stumbled to the couch, while Spencer only mildly more sober went to the kitchen and got them both glasses of water, and bringing them to the couch. Lisa calmed herself and took a few sips of water before once again pulling Spencer to her for a searing kiss.

The two of them sat on the couch making out like a couple of teenagers. When they broke momentarily for some much needed oxygen Spencer had to speak.

"Is this all we're going to do while I'm in town?" he asked laughing.

"It is if you're a good boy." Lisa joked before latching her mouth onto that oh so sensitive part of Spencer's neck.

"I could be very okay with that." Spencer found himself saying before forcibly pushing Lisa backwards causing her to emit a small yelp as he began to take control.

In the morning Spencer woke up alone with a massive headache. He flipped over and reached out an arm to check the clock and found his hand hitting a bottle of aspirin. He lifted himself up and saw a glass of water next to the aspirin and gratefully used them both. Spencer laid back down, eyes closed, until the pain in his head had subsided enough that he could stand and take a shower.

When Spencer was washed, dressed and slightly less groggy he finally managed to find out the time. It was a late in the afternoon. Spencer thought about just going back up to bed, it wasn't often that he was able to spend an entire day in bed, but he knew that if he didn't visit his mother he would feel awful the rest of the trip, so locking up Lisa's house he walked the few blocks to the North Vegas psychiatric facility and signed in.

"Hi mom." Spencer said as he sat down across from his mother who was sitting and writing in her journal.

"I was wondering when you'd get here." Diana told him, putting her journal away.

"Sorry I slept in today."

"I know, Lisa told me" Diana informed him with a smirk, "How's your head?"

Spencer smiled, a little embarrassed, "It's fine." He told her.

Spencer spent the rest of the day with his mother. When Lisa's shift was over she came and sat with them both until visiting hours were over.

Lisa had surprised Spencer with a night in at home, just the two of them, something that didn't often happen when they were in Vegas. As they sat cuddled up on the couch, Lisa's legs flung over Spencer's lap, as she lay with her head on his shoulder, Spencer couldn't help thinking again, that there was nowhere else he'd rather be.


	4. The Proposal

It had been a long time since Spencer had had a real vacation, and he was enjoying every moment of it. From the nights out with friends to the slow quiet mornings, Spencer found himself being completely relaxed. Spencer had woken up early, a habit of his, and gone downstairs to sit on the couch and read. He was still there when Lisa came home from the hospital that night.

He greeted her when she walked in the door, finally getting up from his perch, to kiss her.

"Hey, you up for going out tonight?" Lisa asked, returning the kiss.

"Sure, where are we going?" Spencer asked.

"Rachel and Michael are hosting a get together at his place." Lisa told him, hanging up her jacket.

"Sounds like fun." Spencer said.

"Okay, we'll have to leave in an hour then." Lisa told him going up stairs to change.

Spencer followed Lisa up stairs to change out of his pajamas.

Michael's house was much larger than Lisa's and it had a big backyard where the party was being held. The little get together that Lisa had described seemed to include every single person that Rachel and Michael had ever met, which with Christmas just around the corner, was quite a feat. It did help that both Rachel and Michael's families were in town.

Everyone was laughing and having fun, things were going well when suddenly Michael was standing on a chair asking for everyone's attention.

"Hey, first off I want to thank everyone for coming over, I know you're all getting ready for the holidays and we're glad you could take some time to celebrate with us. I have to admit though that celebrating the holidays is not the only reason that I asked for you all to be here tonight. Rachel could you come here?" Everyone watched as Rachel walked from one end of the yard to another, just as confused looking as everyone else.

"Rachel," he continued again when she had reached him, getting down from his chair. "Baby, you know I love you more than anything in this world." Suddenly Spencer felt someone grab his arm. He looked over and saw that it was Lisa, her other hand covering her mouth and her eyes opened wide.

"Rachel, will you marry me?" The crowd erupted into gasps as Michael knelt down and pulled a small box out of his pocket.

"Yes!" Rachel shouted, tears in her eyes, grabbing Michael's face and pulling him for a long kiss, serenaded by the applause of everyone there.

When the newly engaged couple broke apart and turned to their crowd Lisa, who had let go of Spencer's arm and several other girls around the yard all but ran to circle Rachel all trying to get a look at the ring.

Spencer smiled and slowly walked over to congratulate Michael.

"Congratulations" Spencer said shaking Michael's hand.

"Thanks man. I can't believe she said yes." Michael responded smiling ear from ear.

A screeching sound from across the way, caught their attention, both men turned to look and saw their respective girlfriends hugging tightly.

"I guess Lisa's going to be maid of honor." Michael said as they continued to watch the girls.

"Yeah?" Spencer questioned.

"Oh yeah, Lisa is Rachel's best friend, and all Rachel has in the way of siblings are brothers." Michael explained before making his excuses and going over to be with his fiancé.

Spencer stayed where he was sipping on the beer in his hand. As Michael approached the girls Lisa hugged him, said a few words and then walked away from the happy couple and over to Spencer.

"Rachel asked me to be her maid of honor." She told him excitedly.

"Yeah, Michael figured that was what all the screaming was about." He replied wrapping his free arm around her.

"I can't believe they're actually getting married." Lisa said in complete shock.

"It was bound to happen sometime." Spencer commented.

The rest of the night had a new atmosphere, everyone was excited and happy. The talk had changed from current events to future plans, when would the wedding take place, what colors would they use, where would they get the cake from, and surprisingly enough to Spencer Rachel already had ideas if not answers for all of the questions asked of her.

Lisa and Spencer were some of the last to leave the party, Lisa and Rachel having gone deep into discussion about possible details for the wedding. When they had agreed on starting with dress shopping after Christmas Spencer managed to finally get Lisa to leave so that they could go home and sleep.


	5. Merry Christmas

The days leading up to Christmas had passed by in a haze of red and green. Spencer and Lisa had made plans to spend the day at the home with Spencer's mom, after a long phone call to Lisa's parents, so in the morning they gathered their presents and brought them to the hospital. They had exchanged presents and played games for the majority of the day. When Lisa and Spencer finally had to leave at the end of the day Diana was sitting reading one of her new books.

Walking back to Lisa's house they decided to take a detour through the park. Overcome with the happy, and romantic feelings of the season, they replayed their first date, dancing under the stars in the park. By the time that they got back to Lisa's they were both giddy, and laughing.

As Lisa got undressed, getting ready for bed, Spencer had snuck off to the living room, where he pulled a small box that he had previously hidden, from behind the television. When he got back up to the bedroom Lisa was in the bathroom. Quickly Spencer put the box under the pillow on Lisa's side of the bed, and got ready for bed.

When Lisa got out of the bathroom Spencer was already in bed. Smiling Lisa climbed in next to him and kissed him.

"Merry Christmas." She said pulling away and putting her head down on the pillow. Her smile turning to a grimace as it found something hard. Leaning up Lisa picked up her pillow, finding the box Spencer had hidden. Looking over at him Lisa found Spencer sitting up, a nervous smile on his face.

"Spencer, what is this?" Lisa asked as she sat up, box in hand.

"A present."

"But you already gave me my present." Lisa asked, confused.

"I wanted to give you this one in private, " Spencer admitted, a ball of nervousness growing in his stomach.

"What is it?" Lisa asked, still holding the box.

"Open it."

Lisa looked at Spencer suspiciously, but followed his direction nonetheless. Lisa opened the box and inside found a brilliant silver snowflake. Lisa felt her mouth open in surprise. It was beautiful, Lisa gently took the snowflake in her hand and pulled it to her face to get a better look at it and a chain followed it out. "Spencer," Lisa breathed out, "It's beautiful".

Looking up Lisa saw Spencer's face light up as he saw her reaction to the present. "You really like it?" He asked.

"I love it."

Leaning over Lisa kissed him. Pulling back Lisa put the box on her nightstand and turned so that her back was to Spencer, "Help me put it on." She begged him, excitedly.

Smiling Spencer complied. As Spencer put the necklace around her neck she had to ask, "How did you know I love snowflakes?"

"Last month when it was snowing in DC I was complaining about it and you said snow was the one thing you missed out here." Spencer told her as he fastened the clasp.

When Lisa felt the necklace lying on her neck she noted that the edges of it were rough turning the necklace and inspecting it she saw tiny words covering the edge. "What does it say?" she asked turning to face him.

Spencer reached out and fingered the charm, "It's the poem Now That You're Here, by Joanna Fuch."

"I've never heard that one." Lisa told him."

"It goes, 'Life without you was fine, was okay/It was spent aimlessly, getting through each new day/Now that you're here, joy and pleasure I see/Each second and minute filled with sweet ecstasy.'"

When Spencer finished reciting the short poem he looked up at Lisa, who had a sweet smile, on her face, her eyes roaming over his face. "Too cheesy?" Spencer asked, his face red.

Lisa laughed and shook her head. "It's perfect." Lisa leaned over and kissed him, long and slowly. "I love you." She said when she pulled back.

An unknown weight lifted from Spencer's shoulders as he heard the words. "I love you too." He said back, before capturing Lisa's lips, and pulling her close to him.


	6. This Is It

The day after Christmas Lisa and Spencer spent the entire day together, ignoring all phone calls, just enjoying each other's company, and they would have been content to continue the pattern the day after, but Lisa had promised Rachel they'd start shopping for her wedding dress, so the next day Lisa regretfully left Spencer at home alone to go play dress up.

Rachel was beyond excited to try on her first dress, and Lisa would have been too, if she could take a single second to stop thinking about the way Spencer's face had looked when he told her that he loved her too.

"Wow that's a gorgeous necklace, " Rachel said as they sat in the waiting room of a bridal shop, sipping champagne.

Lisa looked down, she hadn't even noticed that she was playing with it. "Spencer gave it to me for Christmas." She said smiling.

"Ohhh, that's a bright smile for just a necklace." Rachel said. Lisa immediately thought that Rachel knew her a little too well.

"Yeah well, maybe there was little more than just the necklace." Lisa smiled wider.

"Like what?"

Lisa knew Rachel would prod until she got an answer but she wouldn't need too Lisa was more than willing to shout this bit of news if need be. "Like him telling me he loves me."

Rachel's smile widened significantly, "Awwww, who knows maybe we'll be looking for your wedding dress soon." She joked.

"Rachel!" Lisa admonished her, shaking her head. The rest of their conversation was out on hold as the consultant and Rachel's mother came back to the room with arms full of dresses.

Lisa returned to her house later that night exhausted. As soon as she entered the house she made a bee line for Spencer who was parked on his usual spot on the couch. She plopped down beside him and made a loud groaning sound.

"Dress shopping that much fun?" Spencer asked.

"Do you have any idea how many bridal shops there are in Las Vegas. Don't answer that." Lisa said effectively shutting Spencer up as he was about to tell her the exact number.

"I swear if I ever get married I'm doing it in shorts and a t-shirt." Lisa said, taking Spencer's book out of his hands and physically put his arm around her.

For some reason the phrasing of that sentence bugged Spencer. If she ever got married, not if they ever got married, it sounded wrong to him.

"Do you think about it often?" He asked.

"Think about what often?" Lisa asked.

"Getting married," he clarified.

"No, not really" Lisa answered, matter-of-factly.

"Not really or not at all?" Spencer asked.

This question pulled Lisa's attention into the conversation, "What do you mean?" Lisa asked suspiciously.

"I don't know, I mean do you think about getting married?" he asked, emphasizing the word do as though that clarified it all.

"I don't know. Sometimes I guess." Lisa had sat up letting Spencer's arm fall from around her. She didn't like where this conversation was heading.

"Do you ever think about…about us getting married?" Spencer's face was blank as he asked, although inside he was panicking. He didn't know why he asked it, he just did.

Hearing that question made Lisa's stomach drop. She couldn't read Spencer's face, didn't know what he wanted her to say, so she told him the only thing she could, the truth. "No."

Lisa waited for a reaction. Spencer seemed to be processing the information.

"Why not?" Spencer asked. There were no books of any credibility that explained how relationships were supposed to go but Spencer was fairly certain that having been in a relationship for 9 months the thought of marriage should have crossed their minds. It stood to reason that dating being the means by which to find a mate, marriage should be the ultimate goal, and if 9 months into a relationship that goal was not even a consideration it also stood to reason that there was no point to continue the relationship.

"I don't know, I just haven't."

Spencer wasn't angry or upset that she hadn't thought about it, because truthfully he hadn't either, but now that it was out there he thought. He liked the idea of coming home to Lisa, of spending his days off taking her to museums, and going out at night, he could even see himself holding a small child with Lisa's smile and his eyes. The more he thought about it the more he liked the idea.

Lisa was scared, Spencer was calm and calculating, how she had always pictured him at work. She had never seen him like this before, and she really didn't like it.

"What do you think you'd say if I asked?" He finally said after a silence that had seemed too long.

Lisa knew he wasn't asking her for real but she still didn't know what was going on and with each word she was getting more and more nervous. She thought for a moment and gave her honest answer. "I'd probably say no."

Unlike her last honest response this one elicited an emotional response.

"No?" Spencer asked, almost as though someone had slapped him in the face.

Lisa just shrugged.

"Why would you say no?" he asked.

"Spencer I love you, but we don't even live in the same state, and I don't plan on marrying someone that lives across the country."

Her answer was logical and honest and Spencer understood it, after all hadn't he recently told Penelope roughly the same thing? But Spencer found himself liking the idea of spending forever with Lisa, and as he thought about it, he was ready to start on that path.

"What if we didn't live on opposite ends of the country?"

Lisa was afraid to answer any more questions, as it was she felt she was only getting through by the skin of her teeth. "Spencer what's going on?" she asked, starting to panic.

"I want us to live together." Spencer told her. Spencer didn't often make rash decisions like this, but he knew it was the truth, he wanted to be with Lisa all the time. He missed her when he was in DC and she was here, when he could be sitting next to her, and he didn't want to miss her anymore.

"Spencer, what is this about?" Lisa asked shocked at his blunt answer.

"I want us to live together." Spencer repeated.

Lisa let out a small, short laugh, "Spencer, that's not exactly an option."

Spencer's heart dropped. "What do you mean?"

"Well if we lived together one of us would have to move, and if you moved here you'd have to give up your job at the BAU, and you could never do that, and if I moved to DC, I'd have to leave the hospital, and your mother would be all alone again. One of us would have to give up our lives." Lisa said it as if it were the most logical thing in the world. And Spencer knew that the words made sense, but coupled with everything else Lisa had said, it didn't work.

Slowly Spencer stood up. "So what you're telling me is that you wouldn't want to marry me because I live too far away, but when I ask you to live with me, you won't even consider it?" Spencer asked, trying to get some clarity.

Lisa's heart rate sped up as she saw the wheels in Spencer's head turning and the hurt coming to surface on his face. She stood up to try and calm him.

"That's not what I'm saying," she began, but Spencer interrupted.

"Then what are you saying?"

"I'm just saying that we can't just expect each other to pick up and change our lives." She said, terrified.

"I never expected that. I expected to have a conversation about it, not to have you tell me that neither one of us is willing to even try." Lisa didn't know what was happening, Spencer looked confused and hurt and angry, and she didn't know what to do.

Suddenly it was quiet, Lisa afraid to speak, and Spencer trying to wrap his head around everything that had been said.

"What are we doing Lisa?" Spencer finally asked breaking the deafening silence.

"What?" Lisa asked in a whisper, her breathing slowly becoming labored as she started to see where his train of thought was going.

"What are we doing? Is this serious?" he asked.

"Yes, of course it is." Lisa's voice was wavering, and tears were building behind her eyes.

"Then would you consider moving to DC? I'm not asking you to move there, I'm just asking if it will ever be an option."

Lisa didn't know what to say, she couldn't think straight, she opened her mouth to say something, anything, but no sound would come out.

Spencer nodded and walked away up the stairs.

Lisa was frozen in place she didn't know what was happening but she could hear the blood rushing in her ears and her eyes burned. Everything moved in slow motion as she finally managed to move, walking up the stairs to her bedroom. When she opened the door she saw Spencer, zipping up his suitcase. He picked up his bag and walked towards her.

"I'm not some play thing," he said, "I need to know that this is real, that it's going somewhere." Spencer said giving her an opening to get him to stay.

"This is real," She said, still in a whisper as though her voice was breaking.

Spencer's face softened, as he looked over Lisa's face. "Then tell me you'll think about it."

That was all she had to say, but she couldn't. She opened her mouth and again no sound came out, she turned her head unable to look at him.

Having gotten his answer Spencer walked past her.

"I would have considered Vegas an option" he said on his way out and down the stairs.

Lisa was frozen for a moment before the realization of what was happening fell down on her.

"Spencer!" Lisa chocked out chasing down the stairs after him, but he didn't turn around.

"Spencer!" she yelled again, not noticing as the tears began to fall from her eyes.

Spencer didn't respond, he just kept walking, right out the door.

When Lisa reached the door it was as though there was a force field keeping her from going any further. "SPENCER!" she yelled one last time, breaking down sobbing in her door way when again he ignored her and kept walking. Lisa felt her heart tear into pieces as she watched him walk away, her heartbreaking sobs unheard and unheeded.


	7. The Aftermath

Spencer just walked, he didn't know where he was going, he just knew he had to go. He loved Lisa, but he wasn't going to waste his time on something that wasn't going anywhere, and knowing that she had no intention of their relationship going any further, hurt him. Lisa said she loved him, but the thought of spending her life with him wasn't possible for her, and Spencer knew that that was what he wanted, maybe not now, but someday, he could see it happening, and she couldn't.

It had broken Spencer's heart when she called out for him, but he couldn't turn around and let her see him like that, tears pouring from his eyes.

Eventually Spencer came across a hotel, and after calming himself and wiping his eyes, he went and booked a room for the night. After getting into the room and putting his bag down Spencer sat on the edge of the bed and took out his phone, dialed the airport, and booked a flight back to DC in the morning. He couldn't stay in Vegas, he was too hurt.

Spencer didn't sleep at all the rest of the night, he spent most of his night just staring at the ceiling trying desperately not to think, something that was no easy feat for him. He left early for the airport and was back in DC before most people had even woken up.

He had hoped that when he got back in DC some of the loneliness and hollowness that had crept up on him throughout the night, but when he opened the door to his apartment coming in from the snow, that loneliness and hollowness simple intensified as he looked around at his haphazard apartment, that had no sign of anyone else ever having been there. He wanted to find something of hers to destroy or hold onto he wasn't sure, but the fact that he couldn't find anything at all just solidified every thought that he'd had about how far from serious their relationship had been.

He threw his stuff down, not caring where it landed, and all but fell onto his couch where he laid until, being completely drained, he fell asleep from the sheer exhaustion.

Lisa had eventually found her way back into her house, though not very far, she had managed to step far enough back into her house to close the doors so that she could lean on it as she slid to the floor into a shaking sobbing pile.

When the light hit her face the next morning Lisa didn't know where she was or how she had gotten there. When she looked up she saw she was in her foyer, her back hurt and her eyes felt raw and dry. She got up and walked into her kitchen to make some coffee. She poured two cups and went up stairs to give one to Spencer, who she assumed was sleeping. When she got there and saw he wasn't there and that his suitcase which had been sitting in the corner was also gone, the memories from last night came flooding back. For a moment she thought she would simply fall back into her little ball, instead she walked slowly to her bed, placed the two cups of coffee on the night stand and sat down.

She wanted to cry all over again but she was out of tears. She looked at the clock and remembered work. Unable to even think about facing anyone with the way she felt Lisa quickly called in to work and in her dead panned voice told them she was sick. A few minutes after hanging up, she rushed to the bathroom, apparently she hadn't been lying.

When she came back out from the bathroom Lisa grabbed a blanket and wrapped herself up, she was suddenly very cold. She went to lie down in bed but when she did she replayed their Christmas night, in her head and it hurt. So she went downstairs, to sit on the couch, but there she just replayed their fight and that hurt so she walked into the kitchen and thought of their mornings together drinking coffee before she'd head off to work, and that hurt too. There wasn't a spot in her home where they didn't have a memory, eventually she found a corner in the kitchen that didn't make her hurt as much and curled up in it, unable to move.

After a while sitting there Lisa felt that she was healing, at least well enough to shower but when she began to move to get up she felt something move against her chest. Putting her hand to her chest to figure out what it was she felt the necklace she had yet to take off. Slowly reaching around her neck she took the necklace off and held it in her had. Suddenly her body regained the ability to make tears and she broke down again.

When Lisa finally stopped sobbing she had enough fight left in her to call Spencer, to try to explain, to find some way to get him to come back, but he didn't pick up. She hung up and called back only to receive the same result. She tried again and again but he wouldn't pick up, she eventually began leaving messages, but they were never returned.

When she had missed work for the third day, the second without calling in, Rachel stopped by. Lisa had answered the door hopefully, unaware that the person she wanted it to be was on the other side of the country. When Rachel had seen the state that Lisa was in she immediately held her, guiding her to the couch where Lisa was only able to get out a few words before breaking down and crying. Rachel didn't say anything, she just held her.

Spencer had woken to his phone ringing, he had instinctively gone to answer but caught sight of the caller's name before he could, and he was thankful for that. He didn't want to hear Lisa's voice so he had just let it ring. When she called again he let it ring again, when she called a third time he turned off his phone. It hurt to see her name and know she was on the other end of the phone reaching out to him, but he couldn't pick it up, because if he did and she talked him into coming back they'd go back to where they were and stay there. Nothing would change, and change was what he wanted, so he breathed through the pain and tried to go through his day as normally as possible.

When Lisa stopped crying Rachel went and made them some tea in hopes to keep Lisa calm. Rachel allowed Lisa to sit for a moment before asking what was wrong.

"He left me." Lisa said quietly, afraid that she would break again.

Rachel's eyes went wide, only a few days ago Lisa had told her that they had finally said I love you and now she was sitting here crying with Spencer gone. "What happened?" Rachel asked.

"I don't know, we were sitting there and then he started talking about marriage and moving in and then he was leaving."

"How did you go from marriage to this?" Rachel asked as gently as she could.

"I don't know he asked what I'd say if he asked me to marry him and I said no, because you know I'm not ready for that, and he was fine and then he said he wanted us to move in together and I said we couldn't and then he got angry and packed his stuff and left."

"He asked you to move in?" Rachel asked, confused.

"Well no, he just said he wanted us to move in together" Lisa said.

Rachel opened her mouth to say something, but closed it when she looked back at her friend's face. Right now Lisa just needed someone to be there, she didn't need to hear that she had messed up. So Rachel just sat their held her friend and told her that it would all be okay.


	8. Not So Happy New Year

New Year's Eve came and went and Spencer soon found himself back at work. Immediately he threw himself into his work the second he had gotten back. It was the first time in almost a week that he had been able to take his mind off of Lisa. That was until Derek Morgan walked in.

"Hey kiddo, How was your break?" Derek asked.

"It was fine." Spencer lied not looking up from the files on his desk.

"Fine?" Derek asked, actually looking at Spencer. Derek took in Spencer's unusually messy clothes, his somewhat matted hair, and the unusually dark bags under his eyes. There was no way Spencer was okay, and he wasn't going to lie his way out of it. "Reid, you look like hell." He said bluntly.

Spencer looked up, "I don't want to talk about it." He said plainly getting up and heading to the conference room to wait for their daily briefing.

"Morning Morgan, how was your break?" Emily asked as she came in, putting her stuff on her desk.

"A whole lot better than Reid's." Derek responded, earning himself a look of confusion. "Hey do you know if something happened to him?"

"I don't know" Emily answered as they went to go wait with Spencer in the conference room.

Spencer kept to himself as everyone arrived and began to discuss what they did on their holidays. He was thankful that he worked with profilers, as they all took a single look at him and knew not to direct their questions to him just yet, although he knew that eventually they would, but that would wait, right now they had an unsub to profile.

Lisa had of course gotten in trouble when she got back to work, but she was okay with that because she had assumed it would help her heal to be back. She was wrong though. She had forgotten that Diana was Spencer's mother and that as a result, they looked a lot alike. She had also forgotten that Spencer wrote a letter to Diana every day, and that didn't stop just because of a simple break up. So every day she would get the mail and give it to his mother. Each day she read the envelopes seeing where he was, if he was on assignment away or safe in DC. She knew it wasn't healthy, that it was just like picking at a scab, day after day, just waiting for it scar, but she couldn't help it.

Her friends had all rallied around her, trying to keep her busy, and her mind off of Spencer. But there was only so much that they could do. It had seemed to be helping until New Year's Eve where they had gone down to the strip, at midnight everyone around had turned and kissed their friends, loves, and even random strangers and it had been too much for Lisa, who had run away from the crowds to cry. They had all thought that it would be the start of a downward spiral, but the next day she had come into work, seemingly just fine, and from what they could tell New Year's Eve had been the last time Lisa had cried over Spencer.

It was a month later and Lisa was finally starting to seem healed, when she and Rachel sat in the break room on a nightshift looking through wedding magazines.

"How about this dress?" Lisa asked pointing to a bride's maid's dress she liked.

"Cute but I don't like the cut of the neck line." Rachel responded.

"Hmm…" Lisa pursed her lips as she continued to look through the magazine. Rachel looked up from her own magazine and studied Lisa, maybe now would be a good time to tell her what she had been keeping bottled up, she just had to do it gently.

"Hey Lisa?" she asked.

"Yeah?" Lisa responded looking up.

"You know I love you right?" Rachel asked.

"Yeah?" Lisa responded confused.

"You're my best friend and I'd never want to hurt you."

"Rachel what's going on?" Lisa asked, by now knowing when someone was tiptoeing around something.

"I just, I think, maybe it was a good thing, you and Spencer broke up." Rachel paused to let Lisa react.

Lisa felt a pang in her chest when Rachel spoke, but she refused to let it show, she was going to be strong. She wanted to just let the statement go but her curiosity got the better of her.

"Why do you say that?" Lisa asked in an even tone.

"Well, I guess because you two weren't really serious and it's better not to waste your time on something that's not real."

Lisa had expected her to say something along the lines of "you weren't right for each other", "he was too weird", or "you were too good for him", not that what they had wasn't real, and had she been as alright as she let others believe she would have stopped the conversation there, but she wasn't. She could function and do her job, and see her friends, but inside Lisa was still torn up and there was only a small string keeping that from slipping out into the open, and Rachel had just snapped it.

"What Spencer and I had was real. It wasn't some fling." She said suddenly angry.

"Lisa I'm sorry" Rachel said, trying to calm her, "just forget I said anything.

"No, " Lisa said, "why would you ever think it wasn't real?" she asked, needing to understand what it was she did that left so much doubt, the same doubt that had caused Spencer to leave.

Rachel stuttered but answered, "You said he asked you to move in with him and you said no."

"He never asked" Lisa countered.

"Exactly, he said it was what he wanted, he wanted to move forward and you said no,"

"Yeah, well did anyone ever think for a minute that maybe it was because I was scared? That the thought of changing my life that rapidly might cause a little bit of panic? That maybe I'd need some time to process the fact that I was in love before I thought about picking up my life and changing it for someone else?" Lisa was frantic and almost yelling.

"Is that what it was?" Rachel asked in a whisper. Lisa stopped and in another manic mood swing calmed down.

"I don't know, yes." Lisa said, suddenly looking scared. Rachel waited for her to continue talking.

"What if it didn't work out?" Lisa asked breaking the silence. "What if I packed up, moved out to DC, left my job and my friends and Diana, and moved in with him, and then a week or a month or a year in I realize it's all a big mistake?"

"Then you move out, you move back, you start again." Rachel said calmly.

"You say that like it's no big deal." Lisa said.

"Do you really think you're the only person to feel like that? Lisa I'm getting married, and every day I wake up hoping he doesn't change his mind, that I don't change mine, that neither one of us comes to our senses, because if we do it's over and that's the worst thing I can think of. But no matter how much I worry about him finding some other girl the day before our wedding and running off, and yes I do have that nightmare every night, I'm still going through with it, because he is my everything, and I'd rather risk a possible heartache in the future than waste what I have now."

Lisa was nearly in tears. "God I've messed up," Lisa whispered, "I've messed up bad."

Rachel moved to hug her friend. She pulled back and looked Lisa in the eye, "Everything is going to be okay." She told her.


	9. Is It Over Yet?

The team was staying in a hotel out in Oklahoma; their flight home had been delayed due to weather, but was scheduled to leave in the morning. Spencer sat in his room reading a book when there was a knock on the door. Answering the door he saw JJ on the other side.

"Hey JJ, what's up?" Spencer asked allowing her entrance to his room.

JJ walked in, "Spence what's wrong?" she asked, foregoing all niceties.

"What do you mean?" Spencer asked, not really wanting to have the conversation that he knew was now unavoidable.

"You're miserable. What happened over the holidays?"

Spencer offered her a chair, which she gladly accepted, and sat on the bed, heaving a sigh. "Lisa and I broke up." He told her.

JJ didn't try to hide her shock at the news, "What happened?"

"It just wasn't working out." Spencer tried to lie, but it didn't work.

"Spencer," JJ pushed.

"I asked if she would consider moving in together, she said it wasn't an option." Spencer hung his head as he told her.

"Oh Spence," JJ said moving from her seat in the chair to the spot next to him on the bed, putting her hand on top of his.

"I really thought she was it, you know?" he told her. It was the first time he'd talked about it, at all. "I guess I just wasn't enough for her."

"Spence don't say that. You're amazing, and someone out there is going realize that, and they're not going to be dumb enough to let you go when they do." JJ said trying to comfort him.

He threw a small smile to her, he was thankful to have a friend like her.

"Why don't you come down to the bar, have a drink?" she asked him.

"Nah, I'm just going to finish my book and go to bed." He told her.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'll see you in the morning." Spencer led her to the door.

"See you in the morning." JJ waved goodbye, and went down to the bar where everyone was waiting for the update.

"He and Lisa broke up," JJ told them taking her seat at their table.

"No wonder he's so broken looking." Emily commented.

"I can't believe he didn't tell us, it's been over a month." Derek said.

"Yeah, just don't bring it up, he's still pretty broken up about it all." JJ said as they all went back to their drinks.

It was Lisa's day off and although she had had several invitations to get out of her house, the inside of her house was looking pretty shabby from its recent neglect, and she was determined to fix it. She started with the first floor and made her way up to the second. While cleaning her bedroom Lisa decided to reorganize her closet, as she emptied her closet of clothes and shoes she came across a crumpled up piece of fabric that looked foreign. Picking it up, Lisa realized why it looked so strange in her closet, it was a man's button down shirt. More specifically it was Spencer's button down shirt. It must have fallen and been left behind when he had last been there.

All thoughts of organizing her closet had left Lisa's mind as she sat on her floor holding his shirt. Lisa was tired of breaking down and crying every time she thought about him for too long, or when she came across the necklace he gave her that now sat in her jewelry box, out of sight. Refusing and unable to cry anymore Lisa just hugged the shirt to her.

"I can't do this anymore" she whispered out loud to herself. She put the shirt down and stood up. She walked into the bathroom and ran the tap. Lisa splashed some water on her face and for the first time in over a month really looked at herself. Her eyes were sunken with dark bags, and her skin looked pasty and there was no hint of a smile anywhere on her face. Spencer had once told her that she constantly smiled, even with no expression on her face, she had checked once he had told her and he had been right, but now without that constant smile on her face, she didn't even recognize herself. She didn't like the girl in the mirror, she wanted her old self back, she just didn't know how to get it.

She walked out of the bathroom and got her phone.

"Rachel?" she asked when someone on the other end picked up.

"Lisa? What's up?"

"I found his shirt in my closet."

"Are you alright?" Rachel asked knowing what that could do to her friend.

"No, Rachel I need him back." Lisa's voice was breaking.

"Lisa I'll be right over."

Lisa nodded though she knew Rachel couldn't see it. She hung up and waited downstairs for Rachel to arrive.

Rachel made it to Lisa's house in record time.

"I can't do it anymore, I can't be without him."

This statement scared Rachel. Lisa was an independent girl, for her to say something like this was beyond abnormal. "Lisa, you don't need him, you'll get through this and it will be okay." She told her, trying to talk her down from the ledge she seemed to be standing on.

"No, Rachel, I don't want to be without him, and I don't want it to be okay, if I'm not. I love him, and I want to be with him."

"Lisa, honey you're not thinking straight."

"No Rachel I am, I should have said yes, and I didn't and I messed everything up but I have to fix it. I need him. Wouldn't you do anything it get Michael back?"

Rachel knew that she would but she was afraid of Lisa's current state of mind.

"Rachel, please help me get him back."

"Lisa," Rachel took a breath, "I don't know how to. I'm sorry."


	10. Back Again

JJ looked at the two files on her desk the one on the left was probably more pressing but she wasn't sure how the team would do in the location. Looking back over the files, she decided the team would just have to suck it up, these people needed them. She walked into the conference room ready to brief the team.

"In the past 3 months 6 girls have gone missing from a small private school out in Northern Las Vegas. 4 of the girls have been found 2 are still missing."

Spencer had almost stopped listening after JJ had mentioned Vegas. He knew he shouldn't have immediately begun to think of Lisa again at the simple name of a city, especially not with pictures of corpses in front of him, but he couldn't help it. Breathing in deeply, and hoping that no one had noticed his irrational reaction Spencer tried to focus on his work and took the fact that he would be there on business only to comfort him.

By that night Spencer was sitting in the police station going over evidence. Hotch had told him hours ago to take a break, but he hadn't. He was too afraid to take a break, to let his mind wander from work, afraid of where it would lead him.

"Spence, come on, we're going to go get dinner." JJ said breaking his concentration as she put a hand on his shoulder.

"I think I'm gonna stay, there's a lot here." He said, trying to get out of it.

"I didn't ask," JJ told him nudging him again and telling him to get his coat.

They met the rest of the team outside and walked to a nearby restaurant. Most of the dinner conversation center around the case, which was usual for them. It was however broken when a voice called over.

"Spencer! Hey, what are you doing here?" Ben's boisterous voice cut through Spencer's ears.

"Hey, Ben." He said standing to greet his friend.

"Man I never thought I'd see you again."

"Yeah well I'm just here for work." Spencer said, finally bringing attention to the others at the table. "Ben these are my team members, guys this is Ben Fielding."

Ben greeted the others and received greetings of his own before turning his attention back to Spencer, "Listen I heard about you and Lisa, I'm sorry man, you guys were really great together"

Everyone there had to hide their flinching as Ben clearly couldn't tell as well as they could that that was not a topic to bring up.

"Yeah, well these things happen." Spencer said hiding his own flinch at the physical pain hearing her name had caused.

"Yeah, look I gotta go, but when you're done working, hit me up okay? We can still hang out right?"

"Uh sure." Spencer said waving as Ben walked out of the restaurant.

Spencer found that he was no longer hungry, "I'm going to go back to the precinct." He said, knowing full well that everyone at the table knew the reason he was throwing himself into work.

Walking back to the precinct took him past the park. Seeing it out of the corner of his eye, Spencer figured it would take everyone a good 45 minutes to finish their meals and make it back to the station so he took a small detour.

Spencer walked through the park, replaying every moment he had spent there with Lisa. The images of him and her, laughing and talking, dancing, holding hands, and kissing, all playing through his head like a movie. When the images stopped Spencer thought the same thing he thought after every flash back he had, "I'm an idiot".

Everything had been perfect between them, they were happy and in love and because of a stupid rash thought he had thrown it all away by springing a huge topic on her, and then freaking out when she wasn't ready to answer. But she had been ready, she had an answer, and the answer was no, so yes eventually they would have broken up, but if he hadn't of said anything they'd have had maybe a few more months of happiness, and in Spencer's life each happy moment was necessary, having deprived himself of so many of them brought him back to his thought of him being an idiot.

Needing to stop these thoughts Spencer left the park as quickly as he could and nearly ran to the station desperate to catch the unsub and leave Vegas.


	11. Tell Me You Still LoveMe

Spencer Reid was seriously beginning to hate snow. Even in Las Vegas where there was no snow, he was being affected by it. They had finished their case, and Spencer had been more than a littled excited to go home when JJ had called and informed them all that the airports in both DC and Virginia had banned all incoming flights due to weather, leaving them stuck in Vegas until the weather cleared up. Spencer had held onto hope that it would be cleared up by the next morning but it was not to be. Around noon the next day when they still weren't leaving Spencer finally gave up the hope of getting out of Vegas soon.

With everyone else off enjoying their mini break in Vegas, and having no books to read, having already read all of the ones he had brought Spencer decided that giving his mother a surprise visit wouldn't be such a bad idea.

Lisa was going about her day as best as she could. It had been a week since she had found Spencer's shirt in her closet and ever since Rachel had been watching her more closely. While Lisa understood Rachel's worry she really wished she'd stop staring. Despite her behavior Lisa wasn't suicidal or going to run off and do something reckless. She had thought about hoping another flight out, it had worked the first time, but she knew that had been a fluke. Besides she didn't even know if Spencer would want her back anyway, so after a long night of talking through everything, she was resigning herself to a life without him, and for this past week, at least, it was working.

Lisa was sitting in the recreation room playing a game of chess with one of the patients when Rachel came in to ask her for some help with rounds. Lisa told her she'd be there as soon as the game was over, Rachel had nodded and gone back to wait for her.

Lisa finished up her game and went to go find Rachel, but when she opened the door to leave the recreation room she ran straight into someone.

"Sorry," Both Lisa and the person she had run into said at the same time.

Looking up Lisa stopped in her tracks. There staring down at her, was Spencer.

Spencer hadn't forgotten that Lisa worked at his mother's hospital, Diana still wrote to him about her, even knowing that they had broken up, he had just simply hoped that she wouldn't be working when he went to see his mother. He was clearly not that lucky though. After signing in and walking up the stairs he had literally run into her.

They stood there for a moment just taking each other in.

Spencer looked much like he always did, but his clothes were rumpled and his eyes darker than usual. All in all he didn't look as though he had gone through half of the pain that Lisa had, and that thought alone made Lisa's healing wounds burst open.

Lisa's shoulders' were slumped, unusual due to her normally perfect posture, she looked tired and that permanent smile Spencer had grown to know and love, was gone completely. Spencer could feel his still torn heart breaking even more seeing her like this.

Spencer cleared his throat, "Hi." He said being the first to break the silence.

"Hi, Spencer." Lisa said.

"How've you been?" she asked after another small bout of silence.

"I've been good," Spencer lied "We've been really busy at work."

Lisa nodded in understanding.

"How about you? How've you been." Spencer asked shoving his hands nervously into his pockets.

"Good." Lisa lied. "Been busy planning Rachel's wedding" Lisa didn't know why she brought it up. It was a stupid subject to bring up, and they both inwardly flinched at it.

They stood in awkward silence once again.

"I should go see my mom now." Spencer said breaking the silence.

"yeah, I need to get back to work." Lisa said and began to walk away. Suddenly Lisa stopped and turned around. "Spencer" she said causing him to stop and turn to face her, a questioning look on his face. She wanted to say something she wanted to tell him that it was good to see him, that she loved him, and that she wanted him back, but she couldn't. "Your mom's on the couches by the window." She said pointing in the direction of where Diana was sitting before walking off to go find Rachel.

"Hey what took you so long?" Rachel asked as Lisa came into the room she was in and began working.

"I ran into Spencer." Lisa told her without looking up from what she was doing.

"What?" Rachel asked stopping her movements.

"He's visiting his mom." Lisa said, still not stopping what she was doing.

Rachel went to open her mouth and Lisa knew exactly what would come out.

"I'm fine Rachel. Really." Lisa said finally looking up.

Rachel nodded and they continued to work.

By the time Rachel and Lisa were finished with their last room visiting hours were over. Walking out of the room Rachel saw Spencer walking out of the recreation room and down the stairs.

"Hey, I left my keys in the break room can you take this to the laundry room for me?" Rachel asked handing off the sheets in her arms to Lisa as she agreed. "Thanks"

Rachel walked in the direction of the break room, but when she looked back and saw that Lisa had rounded the corner she took a detour down the stairs. Exiting the building Rachel looked quickly in both directions hoping that Spencer hadn't gotten far.

He hadn't even made it halfway down the block.

"Spencer!" Rachel called out running to catch up.

"Rachel?" Spencer questioned.

"Hey." Rachel said when she caught up.

"HI, How are you?"

"I'm good. Listen I wanted to talk to you." Rachel said, knowing that she had to get back before Lisa came looking for her.

"What about."

"About Lisa."

Spencer turned his head away from her. "Rachel I…"

"She doesn't know I'm here and I don't have a lot of time, so I just need to know do you still love her?" Rachel asked putting her arms around herself, only just realizing the cold.

"Rachel,"

"Do you love her?" Rachel interrupted him needing an answer.

"Yes," Spencer answered and Rachel seemed to relax. "I love her, but I'm not going to be in a dead end relationship, she doesn't want it to go any farther…"

"She does." Rachel interrupted again.

"What?" Spencer asked.

"She's beyond miserable without you, she knows she made a mistake and she doesn't know how to fix it, and I wouldn't be here right now if I thought she was being stupid it all."

"Rachel, I don't know what to tell you."

"Just tell me you're miserable without her too."

Spencer looked down at his feet, he didn't know how to process what she had just told him. "I've got to go." Spencer said before turning and running off.

Rachel wasn't sure if she should have done what she did but she walked back to the hospital all the same, hoping that at the very least she hadn't made things worse.

When Spencer got back to the hotel he ran into JJ in the lobby, she was just hanging up her phone.

"Hey Spence, glad I ran into you, weather's cleared up, we can leave in an hour." She told him.

"Thanks JJ." Spencer told her walking past her to the elevator.

Spencer went up to his room, his bags were already packed so he just sat down to wait out the hour until he could leave. He should have been ecstatic to hear that they were finally leaving but he wasn't. Lisa, wanted him back, no she wanted him. Half of him wanted to run as fast as possible back to the hospital, beg to hear her say it and wrap her in his arms. The other half of him wanted to forget what Rachel had said and just get onto the plane, leave and never look back. He didn't know what to do. Eventually the decision was made for him when Morgan, bag in hand had knocked on his door telling him they were ready to go. So, Spencer got his bag and left the hotel.


	12. Anywhere

Spencer was silent the entire plane ride back to DC. Everyone had tried to get him to talk, to play a game, but he wouldn't respond to any of them, he was off in his own world. Even though he was on the plane, his decision made, he felt wrong.

When the plane landed they all got off and got their bags. They walked together out of the airport. As the cold air hit Spencer it acted like a wakeup call. Spencer stopped in his tracks, letting the light snow fall around him.

"Spence?" JJ called out, a taxi stopped in front of her. Spencer looked over at her. "You coming Spence?"

"No. I'll be back in a couple days." He said turning and heading back into the airport ignoring JJ's questions being yelled at his back.

He wasn't entirely sure what he was doing but the moment he had started back into the airport he felt as though he was going in the right direction, and for once he was going to go with his gut instead of his brain, which was screaming at him to turn around, grab a cab, go home and heal.

Lisa and Rachel were sitting in Lisa's living room going over more wedding details. Rachel and Michael had finally picked a location they both liked, they had a meeting to book it the following week. They were laughing over a particularly hideous bride's maid's dress that Rachel was threatening to make Lisa wear when the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it" Rachel said, getting up from the couch and going to answer the door.

Without looking through the peep hole Rachel opened the door, she stood there shocked for a moment. "Hi" she whispered when she could talk.

"Hi, is Lisa home?"

"Uh, yeah." Rachel said stepping aside so that the visitor could come inside.

"Lisa," Rachel called. Lisa looked up from the couch towards the door and nearly dropped the magazine she held in her hands. Instead she slowly stood, and walked to the door, and her visitor.

"Hi." She said stopping a few feet from her visitor.

"Hi," he responded.

Rachel didn't say anything she just walked around the two who had seemingly forgotten her existence. She picked up her coat and quickly left.

"Ben said you were just in for work. I figured you'd be gone by now." She said.

"I was, and I did."

"Then, what are you doing here?" Lisa was trembling. She had imagined this situation a thousand times, each time with different endings. She wondered what ending she would get this time.

"Rachel said something to me and I need to know if it's true."

"What did she say?"

"She said that you made a mistake, that you wanted to fix it but didn't know how." He could have called, he could have written, there were so many other ways he could have gotten his answer but he needed to see her face, he need to be able to see her reaction to his words.

"She was right."

"What was your mistake?" He needed to hear her say it before he could believe it.

"Not jumping at the chance to live with you."

"You'd want to?"

"I want to be with you for the rest of my life, whether it's here in Vegas or in DC or in Bangkok, I'd go anywhere to be with you again."

Spencer read every feature on her face, pulling every bit of profiling body language knowledge that he had. From what he could tell she was telling the truth, but he still needed one more question answered.

"Why would want that?"

"Because I love you." Lisa didn't hesitate.

Lisa watched as the wheels in Spencer's head turned, and she waited in their tense silence for Spencer to stay something. Whatever he said next would decide everything. Lisa was terrified, after all everything she had said could have easily been too little too late.

Spencer opened his mouth to speak.


	13. The End

Six months after Spencer's impromptu flight to Vegas, back in DC, Spencer walked through the cold and the rain back to his place. He entered the building he lived in, and got his mail. Flipping through the letters he saw one from his mother and pulled it to the top of the pile. Opening the door Spencer hung his bag up on the coat rack and threw his keys and all the letters except for the one from his mother. Moving a box of books from the couch to the floor he sat down and opened the letter.

"Spencer is that you?" called a voice from upstairs.

"Yeah." He called back.

"Can you come up here?"

Spencer sighed, put the letter down and walking up the stairs, kicking a box out of his path on the way. "What is it?" he asked rounding the corner and entering the bedroom.

"I need you to hold this while I screw it into place."

Spencer did as he was told, and when the job was done he stepped back.

"So what do you think?"

Spencer looked at the curtains that now framed the bedroom window. "I like them"

"Make you feel at home?"

"Definitely." Spencer said smiling.

"Good." Spencer quickly found himself with his arms wrapped around his girlfriend, "I want our place to feel like home."

"I'm sure once we're finished unpacking it will."

"Speaking of which your books are taking up every free spot in the living room."

"My books? I just moved a box of yours so that I could sit on the couch."

Lisa threw a look at Spencer "Maybe we should donate some."

"Maybe." Spencer said as he leaned down and kissed her.

"I love you." Lisa said smiling up at him.

"I love you too." Spencer said, pulling Lisa close and capturing her in a heated kiss. They moved slowly backwards toward the bed, tripping over a box and laughing as they fell in a heap together in their bed, in their house.


End file.
